It’s been a long time since I wrote. I haven’t been laying off the drinks; rather the contrary. I’ve been gnawing on some private grief.

Been reading some wildlife stuff – Kenneth Anderson, Jim Corbett. Then I took up Marquez – Autumn of the Patriarch. If you haven’t read Marquez (or Dostoevsky), you haven’t read fiction. There are great books that others have written – lots and lots, but you can’t find two better authors - these two guys are geniuses. They define fiction. I think neither wrote natively in English, but if you haven’t read either, you’ve missed life. Of course, if you don’t read as a habit, you have seen better things than I have!

I’ve been wondering about deodorant, and air-travel, and DVD’s, and corporate salaries – and such stuff that make up the core of modern life. I was also reading about some experiments that seem to indicate that the speed of light may not be as constant as we thought. I read about India looking for scientists – except that salaries of scientists is too low, even in comparison to call center employees. Who’ll wonder about the sun and stars, while someone needs to know her credit balance!

In the line of my work, I’m faced by people who will give up all good work that they’ve done because another guy pays some more. I seem to be faced by an entire generation that lives by the pay cheque.

I used to earn about 3000 rupees a month when I started earning. (At that time a small refrigerator used to cost 8000 rupees – just to give you an idea of the purchasing power of the rupee). And I was only worried whether my algorithm had any corner conditions that I had not foreseen. Today guys join companies at more than 10 times that salary, while fridges cost the same, and they seem to feel that their pay cheque determines their sense of self-respect.

I remember sitting under the benevolent winter sun of Kanpur hearing someone talk about the twist of time-space that accommodates gravity. And I am surprised that graduates that join my company today even acquiesce to be taught C++ - a common programming language.

I see, quite clearly, that I have lost the act. By having become quietly, a citizen of this corporate arena – that trains people to suspend thought, and do as the manual says, in order that the author of the manual notch another corporate achievement; that we all think of how to make the profit number that someone, in a dull state of greed, made up. How small have I become while the sun shines as strongly as it used to, and the moon is as smooth. It’s just that I’m too used to AC and nights are reserved for phosphorescent monitors.

I think Pink Floyd were right… we saw the truth when young, and now we deceive ourselves with delusions, born of the coupling between greed and MBAs.